I started to think about you recently. There’s so much I’d love to tell you about right now, like all the things that I’ve done or that I’m doing right now. I want to tell you about the plans for my future and how I know exactly where I want to be and I want to hear your reaction and what you think about it all.
I just want one more day with you, one more just to talk to you, to hold your hand and just tell you that I love you and I always have.

It’s funny how when someone leaves you remember every little detail of their being. Their scent of stale smoke, that usually would repel you but because it was them it comforted you, the way they always held their hand in the air when they spoke, their hoarse laugh that sounded so full of life and always made you smile, the roughness of their skin when you kissed them on the cheek and how they smiled at you even when they were at their worst.
All the memories you have of that one person will stay with you and you treasure them and keep them in your heart because no matter how much you miss that person, those memories can never be taken away. 

Some Things Have to Happen

I’m not exactly sure about how this happened, when I just stopped feeling those things I used to. I think I may have lost them somewhere, I’m always losing things. It’s not that I meant to lose them, I just did and when I first noticed they were missing, I wanted them back but now… well now I just want someone else to find them. To find those feelings for you because, I don’t think they belong to me anymore, not really and I think you know that too but you’re too scared to admit it. I’m too scared to admit it but there is no point in denying it any further because it will only hurt us both.

You looked at me with those eyes, those cruel painful eyes and I had to look away. I had ran away from this moment plenty of times before and regretted it every time I did. I couldn’t feel guilty for my feelings or rather… my non-feelings.

Out of the loss of my feelings, I found something else, something honest and so bold. I found that I can’t always predict myself because in fact, I’m unpredictable and I never used to think I was but maybe that changed maybe I lost my¬†predictability too.